The Tales of Senka and Elwood
by Shadow Alchemist
Summary: An insane evil alchemist, a pitiful apprentice, a plushie, Kousuke from Spiral, a brief InuYasha appearance, Albel from Star Ocean, am army of penguins and puppies, and absolute random silliness...what more could you want?
1. To Be Evil Or Not To Be Evil

**TALE I. To Be Evil, Or Not to Be Evil - Is That Even a Question?**

Senka stood and admired the vast land for a moment before taking in a breath of fresh air. Her long purple hair with blue streaks glistened in her sun, and her red eyes moved unpredictably like a wild flame. She was on top of a hill, but at that moment it felt like she was on top of the world. She took in a deep breath...

"I am absolute evil! Mwahhahahahaha!" she laughed at the top of her lungs. Her apprentice Elwood, who stood behind her, only sighed.

"If you're so evil, why are you making me collect these abandoned puppies?" Elwood groaned. He picked up one of the many that had been following them and shoved it in her face as she turned around. She stared blankly for a moment.

"Puppies today...vicious dogs the next! Mwahahhaha!" she laughed again, regaining her composure.

"You just think they're cute...," Elwood sighed as he put the puppy down with the rest.

"That's only a plus," she replied defensively.

Later...

"I'm hungry...," Elwood whined. Senka stopped and grinned evilly.

"Should I transmute the puppies into something yummy for your tummy?" she asked with a psychotic expression on her face that made Elwood nervous.

"No!" Elwood yelled and looked back to see the puppies were cowering behind him. Hearing that, Senka immediately stepped behind him and scooped up one of the puppies in her arms, which she immediately began to cuddle.

"Good 'cuz I could NEVER eat my lil' puppy wuppers! Isn't that right, Mr. Rawr? Your my lil' Mr. Rawr! Yes you are, yes you are!" she cooed, now huggling the poor frightened puppy. Elwood watched in dismay before finally regaining himself.

"You're mad!" he shouted. She smiled at him.

"Am I evil now?" she asked innocently.

"If by evil you mean mentally unbalanced and socially inept...then YES!" he replied loudly from his frustrations of having to deal with such a...'special' person. Senka grinned wildly.

"Sweet. Mwahhahhahaha!"

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah...the actual characters that I don't own don't come up until like tale 10...so you'll have to bear with these two for now. Since it's originally in script format, the effect may not be the same compared to if I left it as-is. But you see, script formats aren't allowed. Gr for that. Anyway, since I'm already up to tale 40 in script and about 5 specials in script...I should be able to update soon. w00t! 


	2. Why Did I Do This Again?

**TALE II. Why Did I Do This Again?**

"So, what have we learned?" Senka asked Elwood cheerfully. He raised an eyebrow.

"I should build a time machine and stop myself from becoming your apprentice?" he replied dryly. She looked at him curiously.

"Hm. I guess that works too, but I was thinking more of robbing a bank...," she replied thoughtfully. Elwood's jaw dropped in shock.

"What!" he shouted, hoping maybe he'd heard her wrong.

"Ya...a time machine is good and all, but robbing banks is just, ya know, more fun..."

"For who!"

"Everyone of course! Especially me!" Senka replied cheerfully, as always. Elwood was getting sick of this same routine almost every minute of every day.

"That's it, I quit! Senka, you're no longer my master!" he yelled, crossing his arms and turning away from her. She shook her head, still smiling and with no concern on her face at all.

"'Fraid you're mistaken. Didn't you read the fine print?" Elwood turned back and looked at her nervously.

"Fine print...?" he stammered nervously. He definitely didn't like where this was going.

"Yup. Look-you can't quit. I must disown you. And I must say, you are the funnest slave...er...apprentice I've ever had!" she nodded. Elwood sighed. Of course...the reason his life was doomed was because of something so stupid as he hadn't read the fine print of a contract that he didn't even remember existing.

"Wha-! Why did I agree to this?" he cried out to himself.

"If I recall, it had something to do with your life story..."

"Oh yeah...There was that day five years ago when..."

LATER...

"...so then it really seemed like a no brainer," Elwood finished. Senka, who had been falling asleep, quickly snapped awake.

"Fascinating, really," she smiled. Elwood felt like he was forgetting something...

"Funny thing-I can't remember what we were talking about...," Elwood said, still trying to remember what it was he forgot.

"Really? Shame." If Elwood hadn't been so busy thinking, he would have noticed Senka smiling even bigger now.

"Hm..." Elwood still couldn't figure it out, and was starting to think it must not have been important.

"Anywho...let's go Elf Wood," Senka said finally, getting up from the rock she had been sitting on to listen to his story. Elwood immediately twitched.

"EL-WOOD! Not elf wood!"

* * *

**A/N:** Yay, I'm getting faster at writing these outta script format so... Ah, but dang it...I forgot that around tales 30, 31 they start getting pretty darn long...drat. Ah well. The first ones aren't the funniest. The best are yet to come.  



	3. Drop That Elf Wood!

**TALE III. Drop That Elf Wood!**

Senka and Elwood had been walking for some time in a nice quiet forest. Elwood found the quiet to be very relaxing. Senka, however, was incredibly bored. Then she spotted a small stick on the ground. So, she naturally picked it up full of eagerness and evil plots.

"Sweet, I found a piece of wood! And it's mine, all mine! Mwahahahaha!" Senka laughed, hugging the wood close.

"I don't suppose it belonged to a gnome?" Elwood commented, trying to enlighten her. But of course Elwood forgot that Senka was one to take things literally.

"Nah...based on the age of the wood, I'd say...," she said as she started inspecting the wood at all possible angles. "An elf wood. Ohholysweetnessofdoom-it's an Elf Wood! Just like you Elf Wood!" Elwood twitched.

"ELWOOD! And I was jokin-" Elwood tried to reply, but Senka quickly cut him off in her excitement.

"-there's no time for that. We have to sell it! We'll be stinkin' rich!" Senka laughed, thinking of all sorts of ridiculously high prices she could get for it.

"What? I was only-" Elwood said, once again trying to stop her and once again being cut off.

"Come on! We have no time to waste!" She exclaimed and started running down the path. Elwood followed hastily, but suddenly a man jumped out of some bushes in front of them.

"Hey-I heard you talking about some Elf Wood there?" the man inquired suspiciously. Senka held the wood tighter.

"It's mine, back off!" she shouted.

"I'm gunna have to get that from you!" the man yelled back.

"Noooo! RAWRRRRRRRRR!" Senka screamed and started to charge at the man, using the wood as a weapon. The man fought back, and soon it was a full out fight for the wood...

After ten grueling episodes over the wood, it was finally over. Senka stood victorious over the man, holding the wood high into the air.

"Ha! The Elf Wood is mine! See Elf Wood? That's how it's done," she laughed, glancing back at Elwood.

"Wow, and it only took five minutes," Elwood said in amazement after looking at his clock.

"That's 'cuz I'm a pro. Anyway, weren't you saying something about the Elf Wood? You think it's worth millions?" Senka replied as she hopped off the poor guy's back towards Elwood.

"I was joking. It's just wood," Elwood said finally. Senka cocked her head.

"Huh?"

"It's only wood." Senka looked at the wood curiously, trying to understand what he was saying. Then she smiled to him.

"Oh well, at least I got to portray my evil-ness in battle today," she laughed. She quickly tossed the wood out into the dirt and started on her way. Elwood could only sigh...

* * *

**A/N:** It's getting easier to write these out. Yay! I really should be working on other stories...like ones with storylines...but...well...this is more fun...runs away  



	4. Senka Takes the IQ Test!

**TALE IV. Senka Takes the IQ Test!**

Senka was relaxing in the prairie, feeling the sun beat down on her face, when all of a sudden she noticed Elwood nervously approaching her.

"In my hands is a test...," he began. Senka sprung up and was immediately interested in what he had to say.

"OOoh...does it tell me how evil I am?" she asked excitedly.

"uh, sure...?" Elwood replied weakly.

"Sweet!" Senka shouted cheerfully and quickly grabbed the test from Elwood's hands. She then sat down and started to work immediately. She zoomed through the test quickly and then handed it back to Elwood with a huge grin on her face. Elwood took it nervously.

"Good, let's see how smar-I mean, how evil you are...," he said as he pulled a small grading machine from his pocket.

"W00t!" Senka cheered as Elwood entered in her paper.

"beep beep beeeeep...com..put...ing...ding!" the computer chimed as it graded.

"The results are here!" Elwood said, pulling out the paper from the machine.

"Cool! I bet I got a 100 evil!" Senka said, anxious to see her score.

"Score - 0," the machine reported. Elwood gaped in amazement.

_How is that possible..?_ he thought, still in shock.

"Sweet!" Senka yelled out, but then turned to Elwood. "Uh, it grades reverse, right?" Elwood just continued to stare at nothing. "Ah dangit, the machine killed Elf Wood! He was so suprised by my evilness he died!"

Elwood twitched.

"Ah! he moved! he livessssss!" Senka yelled to herself.

"That time machine would be reaallllyyyyy handy 'bout now...," Elwood said as he twitched again.

"Eh...?"

* * *

**A/N:** I hope you guys are liking these even though it isn't in script format...(which totally kills it, I know!) Yeah...the next one is one of my favorites...snickers  



	5. That Really Would Have Been Better

**TALE V. That Really Would Have Been Better Left Unsaid...**

"Dot dot dot...," Senka said as she walked up to Elwood, who was relaxing by a lake.

"Huh?" Elwood replied, confused.

"Sweatdrop!" Senka shouted in a panic.

"What are you doing!" Elwood shouted, annoyed.

"I'm narrating my life, said Senka," Senka told him.

"Uh...why?" Elwood asked slowly.

"Laugh. It seemed funny, answered Senka," Senka explained with a huge smile on her face.

"Er, okay..." Elwood went back to looking at the clouds while Senka sat down next to him.

"Hm...Senka is thinking."

"Good, you could use that," Elwood replied, deciding to get up and leave her alone.

"Senka doesn't know what to do." Senka got up to follow him.

"Huh?" Elwood paused to look at her. He just didn't understand why she was so...so stupid.

"bleep, thinks Senka," Senka said absentmindedly.

"AH! TOO MUCH INFO! AHHH!" Elwood screamed, covering his ears as if the worst word in the world had been spoken a hundred times over.

"What's wrong with bleep? inquired Senka," Senka replied, cocking her head and not understanding why he was screaming in agony.

"My thoughts! They burnnnnnnn! Leave me alone!" Elwood shouted back to her, covering his ears more than ever and twitching all over.

"Okay. Senka shrugs and walks off," Senka shrugged and, well, walked off.

"Someone...please...save me...," Elwood cried as he collapsed.

* * *

**A/N:** I don't know why I like this one so much...I just do. I think it's better in script format though. Still. gloom... Anywho, next is a special! Yay!shifty eyes You have no idea how tempted I was to write "'blah blah, Senka said,' Senka said." runs away  



	6. SPEC 1 Why Bleep?

**SPECIAL I. Why Bleep?**

SENKA: Why did they bleep my thoughts? That's so rude!

ELWOOD: They had good reason!

SENKA: But why? What's wrong with wanting to eat toast!

ELWOOD: AHHHHHHHH!

SENKA: No, seriously! What's wrong with wanting to eat toast!

ELWOOD: AHHHHH-! Wait a minute...eating toast? You wanted to eat toast?

SENKA: Yes. I like toast very much.

ELWOOD: So...why was it bleeped?

SENKA: I think its because people are dirty minded.

ELWOOD: but what's that have to do with toast?

SENKA: No idea.

ELWOOD + SENKA: Hmm...

AUTHOR: I LOVE TOAST! IT'S MINE! I WANTED IT ALL TO MYSELF! MWAHAHAHAHA!

SENKA: Ah-ha! So she bleeped it so she could steal it!

ELWOOD: That doesn't make sense-!

SENKA: Perfect sense! After her! CHARGE!

ELWOOD: Why!

* * *

AUTHOR: And so I am chased by Senka and Elwood for the toast. Which is still mine. Mwahahahahaha!

SENKA: Get back here!

AUTHOR: Gotta run!

ELWOOD: Wait! Why are we doing this!

SENKA: I wanna (bleep)! Ah darn it, lemme (bleep) darnit!

ELWOOD: What's wrong with bleep!

AUTHOR: Mine! Hisssss!

SENKA: ...(bleep).

* * *

**A/N:** I know, I know...it's not supposed to be in script format...but I'm so SICK of having to rewrite _everything_ when I think it's better this way...so please don't hurt me...I love you, really...(sweatdrop) (runs away)  



	7. Enter Cyrus, Exit Cyrus and Elwood

**TALE VI. Enter Cyrus, Exit Cyrus and Elwood**

SENKA: I made a new friend today! .

ELWOOD: oh really?

SENKA: Yup. His name is Cyrus. Come on out Cyrus!

CYRUS: I wasn't hiding. I've been standing here the whole time.

SENKA: Haha! What a joker! hahahahahaha...coughha...oh, yeah, this is my alchemy apprentice Elf Wood.

ELWOOD: It's Elwood...sigh

CYRUS: Yo.

SENKA: He's really cool at soccer! That's how I met him-he hit me with a soccer ball!

CYRUS: I was hoping you'd be knocked unconscious.

SENKA: Hahaa...what a joker!

ELWOOD: So why are you still here?

CYRUS: It seems I am not permitted to leave.

ELWOOD: me too.

SENKA: Hey! What are you two babbling about?

CYRUS: Our plot to bury you alive and see if you can get out in time to catch us after we run off.

ELWOOD: uh...oo;;

SENKA: Really, cool! You are sooo amazing Cyrus!

CYRUS: Can I go now?

SENKA: No.

ELWOOD: Any regrets?

CYRUS: Just one. I should have ran after I hit her. You?

ELWOOD: Many. Starting with I should I have walked away the moment I saw her transmute that statue into a lion...

CYRUS: That was her?

ELWOOD: Yeah, she's the shadow alchemist. She brags about being able to transmute anything.

CYRUS: huh...If she wasn't so scary, I'd think of that as cool.

ELWOOD: I know what you mean...

SENKA: Hey! You're talking about me!

CYRUS: How'd you ever guess?

SENKA: I kept sneezing. sniffle

ELWOOD + CYRUS: . . .

CYRUS: You think if we keep talking about her we get away?

(Senka sneezes)

ELWOOD: Good idea.

(they high five)

CYRUS: That Senka...

ELWOOD: Senka sure is...

(they run)

SENKA: No-(ACHOO)-fair-(ACHOO)!

* * *

**A/N:** Ah, this is much faster now that I can just post everything instead of taking all the darn time to rewrite! (dances) We're almost to where Kousuke comes, w00t!  



	8. Welcome to the Time Zone

**TALE VII. Welcome to the Time Zone**

SENKA: Ha! You thought you could get away-but you can't! Mwahhahahaha!

CYRUS: How'd she get us?

ELWOOD: It was like magic...

SENKA: hm...You mean, like you entered the...

CYRUS + ELWOOD: ...the twilight zone!

SENKA: (at the same time)...the time zone!

CYRUS: the time zone?

ELWOOD: did we enter a new time zone?

SENKA: Yes! We now add an hour, so please synchronize watches in 3, 2...1.

(all synchronize watches)

SENKA: Very good.

CYRUS: So, how'd you catch us? Alchemy?

ELWOOD: You always do say you can transmute anything...

SENKA: Actually, I didn't do anything. It was your own fault.

CYRUS + ELWOOD: huh?

SENKA: Because you two ran into this new time zone!

CYRUS + ELWOOD: what?

SENKA: So then we added an hour, and since fate said in less than an hour I'd catch you...in the switch you became caught!

CYRUS: So you're saying...

ELWOOD: ...time zones work like a time machine?

SENKA: Yes. But you can only go back so many hours and forward so many. Isn't that nifty?

CYRUS: Hey, that means I can get out of here!

ELWOOD: No fair!

SENKA: You can't leave me! Nooooo! I won't let you!

(transmutes Cyrus into a plushie)

ELWOOD: Ah-! o.o O.O;;

(Senka cuddles plushie)

SENKA: Ah, poor little Cyrus needs a hug!

ELWOOD: YY

AUTHOR: And this has been another episode...of the Time Zone!

* * *

**A/N: **This one of my favorites. I love the Twilight Zone, that was a cool show...  



	9. How To Take Over the World, Part One

**TALE VIII. How to Take Over the World - Part One**

SENKA: I have a secret...

ELWOOD: I have a feeling you have many...do they involve puppies or plushies?

SENKA: Actually, no...

ELWOOD: Oh. Then what is this "secret"?

SENKA: I want..

ELWOOD: ...?

SENKA: I want...to take over the world! Mwahahahaha!

ELWOOD: -.- (sigh)

SENKA: I know just how to do it too.

ELWOOD: Really? How's that?

SENKA: Take notes. Step one-throw a party, gain everyone's trust.

(Elwood begins to write!)

ELWOOD: party...trust...

SENKA: Step two-make them work for me, then set them in denial about the situation!

ELWOOD: work...denial...

SENKA: Step three-have them invite friends!

ELWOOD: "friends", invite...

SENKA: Step four-turn them all into my personal evil squirrel army!

ELWOOD: something about evil squirrels...

SENKA: Step five-conquer the country, then the world! Mwahahahahaha!

ELWOOD: conquer...country, world...evil laugh...

SENKA: ..haha...(cough) so, what've we got?

ELWOOD: How to take over the world...Step one, throw a party of trusted people. Step two, begin to work but be in denial about it. Step three, invite your "friends" to make new friends. Step four, kidnap squirrels for pets and call them evil. Step five, conquer everyone at a game called Country, World...

SENKA: Sounds good to me! Come on, let's get to work! Mwahhahahahahaha!

* * *

**A/N:** This one and the next one is usually the favorite among my friends. I don't know why though...  



	10. How To Take Over the World, Part Two

**TALE IX. How to Take Over the World - Part Two**

SENKA: Elf Wood, seeing as you're the only one I trust, I invite you to my party. Cyrus will be there too, but I'm not sure how active he'll be...

ELWOOD: I don't really have a choice, do I?

SENKA: No, not really. So, you coming?

ELWOOD: I suppose.

SENKA: Good. Now, I went at got a job at some place claiming to be the King of Burgers...I have completely destroyed that title though. mwahahahaha! And since I denied it being my fault, step one and two are complete!

ELWOOD: Uh...very good?

SENKA: Hm...Now, Elf Wood, I am telling you an official invitation to make new friends!

ELWOOD: Taken gladly if it means we're no longer friends.

SENKA: What the hey. (shrugs) But please wait 'til my speech is done.

ELWOOD: Alright...

SENKA: Now, I have set traps all around so I can catch my pet squirrels...yes, soon I will have the largest pet squirrel collection there ever was! mwahahahahaha!

ELWOOD: Good for you. (thumbs up)

SENKA: Now...I challenge you to a game call Country, World!

ELWOOD: You do know there's no such game?

SENKA: There isn't? Very well, then I've already done it. You know what means...

ELWOOD: Yes, you took over the world and I'm free to go.

SENKA: What? No one said you could go. I said you didn't have to be my friend anymore, but you're still my slav-apprentice...

ELWOOD: Wahhhhh!

SENKA: It's true...

ELWOOD: Arhhh...I hate you...

SENKA: That's the spirit! What were we doing again?

ELWOOD: You were talking about how evil you are.

SENKA: True that! Mwahahahahahaha!

ELWOOD: oi...v.v

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah, I don't like Burger King and yeah, I don't own it. Hehehe...when I wrote this, a burger king near us went out of buisness. It wasn't my fault, I swear! (runs away)  



	11. Senka VS Kousuke

**TALE X. Senka VS. Kousuke**

KOUSUKE: Are you the shadow alchemist I've been hearing so much about?

SENKA: Yes. And you, I suppose, are the wickedly awesome blade child Kousuke I have been hearing about?

KOUSUKE: Correct.

ELWOOD: Oh dear. This won't end well.

KOUSUKE + SENKA (pointing at each other): I CHALLENGE YOU TO A BATTLE!

KOUSUKE: of wits!

SENKA: of skills!

ELWOOD: Why battle?

KOUSUKE: Because she tried to imprison me a long time ago...!

SENKA: You're own fault for being so hawt! Kousuke-you left me even though I loved you! For that you shan't be forgiven!

KOUSUKE: Oh, you really think I'm hawt?

SENKA: Always did.

KOUSUKE: Thanks. You know, you were always kind of cool...

SENKA: Kind of? (twitch) Anyway, I'm evil now. Mwahahahahaha!

KOUSUKE: Cool. I used to be evil. Can I convert back?

SENKA: I suppose if you really want to.

KOUSUKE: ...

ELWOOD: Hey what about the battle!

KOUSUKE: Oh, yeah. I'll ask you a riddle. Get it right, you win. Get it wrong, you both die-I planted a bomb underneath your feet. (evil grin) Do you accept?

SENKA: Sure do!

ELWOOD: _((Wha-! I'm doomed! Senka doesn't have the mental capacity for riddles!))_

KOUSUKE: Here we go...Underneath is an orange brown, above a pink purple. The air is quite cool and I am isolated. Where am I?

ELWOOD: What kind of riddle is that! _((She'll never get it!))_

SENKA: Well, I'd have to say you're in the middle of the desert at sunset.

ELWOOD: _((I'm doomed...T.T))_

KOUSUKE: That's actually wrong. The correct answer would be mars-I never said other planets were off limits. But...since I like you so much, I'll let you live.

SENKA: W00t! .

ELWOOD: Eh! oo;;

(Kousuke and Senka go off on their merry way)

ELWOOD: but...but...

KOUSUKE + SENKA: Come on Elf Wood, hurry up!

ELWOOD: It's ELWOOD!

* * *

**A/N:** Man, we FINALLY got to Kousuke! Phew, I thought we'd never get there...I know I don't own him, so yeah...He's from Spiral by the way...  



	12. SPEC 2 Let's be Serious Now

**SPECIAL II. Let's Be Serious Now**

SENKA: Many people have complained we're too...

KOUSUKE: easy-going.

ELWOOD: enjoyable.

CYRUS: ...

SENKA: scary. But that's because we're evil, so it needs to be that way. Mwahahahaha!

ELWOOD: Hey-I'm not evil!

KOUSUKE: You became evil the moment you joined us.

ELWOOD: eh! But I joined before you did!

SENKA: Actually no. Kousuke and I were together, but then we had split up. Now we're back!

ELWOOD: Let's try this serious thing though...see how it goes.

SENKA + KOUSUKE: (sigh) Fine...

SENKA: (clears throat) They're coming...(serious look)

KOUSUKE: ...what should we do? They're too fast to outrun.

ELWOOD? Who are you talking about? There isn't anyone coming...!

SENKA: Ugh, I can't do this!

KOUSUKE: Me too!

ELWOOD: You weren't even trying!

SENKA: You didn't give us anything to work with!

KOUSUKE: There's no plot to go on, and our characters are very limited!

ELWOOD: er...(twitch) Fine...then those people who don't like it can just go!

KOUSUKE: You do realize...that if that was true, they would have left by now?

ELWOOD: ...good point...

SENKA: Hey! That means we did this all for nothing! Darn it, I'm going to track 'em all down!

KOUSUKE: Is this the plot?

ELWOOD: Dunno.

* * *

**A/N:** Must get to my favorite tale...argh, why must my favorite be tale 32! (sigh) I'll get there someday...  



	13. Pray Senka Doesn't Pick Up

**TALE XI. Pray Senka Doesn't Pick Up**

SENKA: Hello?

CALLER: Hello, is this Senka the Shadow Alchemist?

SENKA: That is the name on this phone and that seems to be what people call me, so I think...yes. Yes, I am Senka.

CALLER: If you order today you-

SENKA: Wait, what am I ordering? I never said I was ordering anything!

CALLER: Yes, we're offering a special order on spoons and if you order now-

SENKA: Oooh...spoons. I like spoons.

CALLER: Okay...Well, if you order now, you can get a set of ten for only $9.99!

SENKA: Why would I do that?

CALLER: Excuse me?

SENKA: Why would I order a set of ten spoons for only $9.99?

CALLER: Er, well...I'm being paid to do this, so...

SENKA: You know what?

CALLER: What...?

SENKA: Maybe I don't like spoons. Maybe I don't even have $9.99. Maybe I'm an evil genius who's seriously thinking of turning YOU into spoons because I like spoons.

CALLER: Wha...?

SENKA: That's right, laugh it up...But you won't be laughing now! Mwahhahahahah!

(transmutes caller into spoons via phone line!)

SENKA: heehee...Spoons!

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, now I'm going to start copying all the comments I had when I had posted on my web site because I'm feeling lazy...anyway... I don't like telemarketers, but by nature I never say anything mean to them...(sigh) I really do like spoons, and sporks! (I'm starting to think I have a secret obsession with the letter S...) 


	14. Pray Kousuke Doesn't Pick Up

**TALE XII. Pray Kousuke Doesn't Pick Up**

KOUSUKE: Hm?

CALLER: Hello. Please donate to the military veterans because...

KOUSUKE: Why would I donate money to a government related activity when they want to kill me? That person would have to be a fool.

CALLER: ...your funds will greatly help those who...

KOUSUKE: Who wanna kill me! Are you listening to me!

CALLER: ...and as a thank you gift, we'll...

KOUSUKE: You'll kill me, that's what you'll do!

CALLER: click

KOUSUKE: Hello? Hello! Hey, you can't hang up on me! I'm one of the blade children!

blows up the phone

KOUSUKE: HA! Oh, shoot...

* * *

**A/N: **Ah, an automated call! I like those, cuz than I can ramble while they ramble. I did that once when the school left one claiming I had been truant. My mom's response? "I hope that's an automated call..." My response? "Me too."   
(sweatdrop) 


	15. Pray Elwood Doesn't Pick Up

**TALE XIII. Pray Elwood Doesn't Pick Up**

ELWOOD: Hello?

CALLER: Hello Mr. Sav..in..lax..e...mer...

ELWOOD: Savlaximier.

CALLER: ...Right, sorry. Would you like to order this magizine for only $29.99 a year? That's 12 issues of Anti-Evil Weekly for only-

ELWOOD: Anti-Evil Weekly?

CALLER: Yes, that is right sir. And if you order now, you can have 12 issues for only...

ELWOOD: Hey, wait a minute...!

CALLER: Sir?

ELWOOD: If it's weekly, and the order is for a year...why do I only get 12 issues! That's only enough for...uh...three months!

CALLER: Um...

ELWOOD: I can't believe this! You were trying to con me! You're selling an anti-evil magazine, but doing evil acts to sell it!

CALLER: Er...sorry?

ELWOOD: Oh, alright. At least you apologized. So is the first 12 free or something?

CALLER: Uh, sure?

ELWOOD: That's nice.

CALLER: So...are you going to order?

ELWOOD: Hm...I guess so.

CALLER: Thank you sir! oo (click)

ELWOOD: Hey wait a minute...you never got my information! Darn it...I was hoping it would have an anti-Senka spell or something...T.T

* * *

**A/N:** My goodness, some people have really evil names! Why can't they have simple names! My last name's pretty simple, yet no telemarketer has ever said it correctly...Oh, yeah, the idea of being conned was partly because I'm always suspicious of them and partly proof of why I should NOT be in high math class... 


	16. The Quest for Natsume, Part One

**TALE XIV. The Quest for Natsume: Part One**

SENKA: CURSE YOU NATSUME! I'LL TRANSMUTE THE GAMES MYSELF IF I HAVE TO!

ELWOOD: You alright?

KOUSUKE: Nastume changed the release date to some game she wanted again.

ELWOOD: What game?

SENKA: The Harvest Moon: For Girls version! They must translate it so I can stop scaring people by yelling out that Karen will marry me! NATSUME, HURRY UP DARN IT!

KOUSUKE: Senka, my friend, please settle down...

SENKA: I...can't...AH! Must...destroy...Natsume...!

KOUSUKE: If you destroy Natsume, then the game will never be made...

SENKA: . . . good point. Then I'll conform them into my slaves and force them to work until the game is complete! Mwahahahahaha!

KOUSUKE: You do that. We'll watch.

ELWOOD: Uh...oo;; All this over a video game?

SENKA: Not just ANY video game! The greatest game ever to be made! The life of a farmer knows no end! Mwahhahahahaha!

ELWOOD: uh...oo()

KOUSUKE: Why don't you play while we wait?

SENKA: . . . Very well. begins to play Harvest Moon: Friends of Mineral Town

ELWOOD: So...video games calm her down, eh?

KOUSUKE: Not really.

SENKA: CURSES! I dropped the cucumber!

ELWOOD: I see...But if this "Natsume" completes the games, will she be somewhat silenced?

KOUSUKE: A little, perhaps.

SENKA: Gimme my milk, you stupid cow!

ELWOOD: Where will I find this so-called "Natsume" that sounds like some kind of japanese dish?

KOUSUKE: Look in the phonebook. I'll join you if you find them.

SENKA: Yes my child...take the egg and speak poor english...haha..hahhaha...mwahahahahahaha!

KOUSUKE + ELWOOD: (sweatdrop)

KOUSUKE: please hurry.

ELWOOD: working on it.

* * *

**A/N:** If you're an obsessed Harvest Moon fan like me, you know what I'm talking about...(BTW, the translated girls version is FINALLY coming out! In like 20-something days!) 


	17. The Quest for Natsume, Part Two

**TALE XV. The Quest for Natsume: Part Two**

ELWOOD: I got it!

KOUSUKE: Good, I'm not sure how much of this I can take!

SENKA: Run Kousuke, run!

KOUSUKE: eh?

SENKA: oh, right, sorry. I named my person Kousuke. nn

KOUSUKE: I'm slightly scared. (sweatdrop) Elwood, where is it?

ELWOOD: Underground, in a scary secret liar.

KOUSUKE: How are we supposed to find it?

ELWOOD: Apparently mapquest can still get us directions there.

KOUSUKE: Really? Cool.

SENKA: Stupid chicken! You can no longer be part of my evil army!

ELWOOD: Any...way...to get there, we need to blast a hole down to through approximately 25 feet.

KOUSUKE: alright, time to put these bombs to good use.

later...

ELWOOD: Let's go.

KOUSUKE: right.

SENKA: Haha! Cliff cannot leave! Mwahhahahahaha!

ELWOOD + KOUSUKE: (sweatdrop)

(They jump down)

ELWOOD: Are you guys the so-called "Natsume"?

NATSUME: Perhaps.

KOUSUKE: Finish those new games...

ELWOOD: ...or else! Trust us, this will hurt a lot less than it would if we had let Senka run loose.

NATSUME: Or else what? We wanna be lazy! (sticks tongue out)

(Senka comes out of nowhere)

SENKA: I came as soon my sheep lost. Now...finish the games or I turn you into a bowl of ramen!

ELWOOD: Senka, there are better ways to settle this...

KOUSUKE: and they involve blowing things up!

NATSUME: We will never complete them! Mwahahahaha!

SENKA: HEY! Only I can evil laugh!

(transmutes them in bowls of ramen)

ELWOOD + KOUSUKE: uh...oo;;

SENKA: (sigh) Now I have to do it all myself.

(transmutes completely translated version)

(begins to play and eat the ramen)

SENKA: You guys hungry? Yum.

ELWOOD + KOUSUKE: uh...oo;;

KOUSUKE: I'm gunna...go now...I'll be back...maybe.

ELWOOD: Not without me you don't.

(they run off)

SENKA: (shrugs) Suit yourselves. Yay ramen! Yay Cliff! W00t!

* * *

**A/N:** I forgot to say this last time...I wrote this almost a year ago. And it's still not out yet. Soon, but still... Oh yeah, and I don't own Natsume. Trust me, if I did the game's would be out already... 


	18. No Chicken Here!

**TALE XVI. No Chicken Here!**

SERVER: Welcome to Happy Chicken, how may I help you?

SENKA: I'd like some chicken please.

SERVER: I'm sorry, we don't sell chicken before 4 P.M.

SENKA: Huh?

SERVER: No chicken.

SENKA: But I want chicken...

SERVER: Sorry. Can I offer you one of our other great choices?

SENKA: Chicken...

SERVER: Steak? Hot dogs? Hamburgers?

SENKA: I want chicken...

SERVER: I told you, we don't server chicken before 4 P.M.

SENKA: I WANT CHICKEN, DARN IT!

(throws Cyrus at server)

SERVER: Ah! I'm sorry! But we have no chicken for you!

SENKA: Wahhhh!

(transmutes server into chicken)

SENKA: Yay! Thank you very much, I'll come again. .

EVERYONE ELSE: oo;;

* * *

**A/N:** Holy...wow, it's been a long time since I've added more to this! I finally got word so I no longer must deal with the horror of Microsoft Works...(sigh of relief!) This is slightly inspired by Browns Chicken, my fav place to get chicken, and the one time McDonalds wouldn't let us get ice cream because it was before 4 PM. (it was SUMMER and BURNING and it was like THREE-SOMETHING! oO) 


	19. The Meaning of Life

**TALE XVII. The Meaning of Life**

SENKA: Hey, did ya know life has no meaning?

KOUSUKE: What do you mean?

ELWOOD: Of course life has meaning! If it didn't have meaning, we wouldn't be here!

SENKA: Is that so? If there's a meaning, why doesn't anyone know the answer? Everyone thinks the answer is different. Since there is no average answer, logically there is no answer. Thus, there is no meaning to life.

ELWOOD: O.O Senka thought outside the box!

KOUSUKE: No, she just forgot where she left it and has been stuck outside it ever since.

ELWOOD: Somehow that doesn't surprise me.

SENKA: However, despite there being no answer to what the meaning of life is...There is still a meaning to it all, everything.

ELWOOD: Which is what?

SENKA: The meaning...

KOUSUKE + ELWOOD: . . . (staring intensely)

SENKA: Is for me to take over the world! Mwahahahahahahahaha!

KOUSUKE: v.v()

ELWOOD: She found the box again I suppose?

KOUSUKE: So it would seem...

SENKA: Mwahhahahahahahhahaha!

* * *

**A/N: **Caaaaawwwwww...cough I love losing the box, don't you? 


	20. Senka's Education

**TALE XVIII. Senka's Education**

KOUSUKE: Senka, did you ever go to school?

SENKA: You went to school until you were 14, after an incident with a teacher. But you went back at age 17.

ELWOOD: He asked about you, not him.

SENKA: Yes, I am quite aware of what he asked.

KOUSUKE: Then why don't you answer?

SENKA: Because my level of education is of no value to such impudent fools.

KOUSUKE: Hey! I thought you loved me!

ELWOOD: And I thought we were friends!

SENKA: Yes Kousuke, I do love you. Elwood, I thought you didn't want to be my friend anymore?

ELWOOD: I changed my mind...

SENKA: Very well-we're friends again.

ELWOOD: W00t!

KOUSUKE: Hey, you changed the subject!

SENKA: That I did. .

ELWOOD: Answer us!

KOUSUKE: If you really are that smart, then it won't bother us at all.

SENKA: . . .

KOUSUKE + ELWOOD: . . .?

SENKA: I was so advanced that...I didn't any education past preschool! Mwahhahahahahahaha!

KOUSUKE: Wha...!

ELWOOD: You're joking, right? _((That explains a lot...))_

SENKA: Why would I joke about my own brilliance?

KOUSUKE: Because that's not brilliance, you idiot!

ELWOOD: Don't tell me...you actually think it was because you were smart?

SENKA: I turned out fine, didn't I? I can transmute anything after all!

KOUSUKE: ... v.v()

ELWOOD: oo;; You need to see a shrink...

SENKA: I need to shrink? But I like being tall...

ELWOOD: never mind...v.v()

* * *

**A/N:** Anyone notice how some people who haven't gone to school are still pretty smart? Interesting. Hm.  



	21. Cyrus Transmuted!

**TALE XIX. Cyrus Transmuted!**

SENKA: Elwood, it is time I teach you something.

ELWOOD: What? You're going to teach ME something?

SENKA: That would be the agreement we came to when you decided to be my apprentice.

ELWOOD: True, but...ya know...

SENKA: Anyway, I'm going to teach you how to un-transmute a plushie.

ELWOOD: Cyrus gets to live again!

SENKA: Provided you do to correctly, yes.

ELWOOD: How! Wait...why?

SENKA: Well, last time I tried to un-transmute someone they turned into a washing machine...and before that a Buddha statue...before that a scrunchie...so I'm hoping you can do it right! .

ELWOOD: Oh dear...

SENKA: Just put your hands over Cyrus here and concentrate on him becoming human!

ELWOOD: I don't know...

SENKA: Do it or I'll transmute you!

ELWOOD: Okay, okay...! Cyrus, don't hate me if I fail...TT

(Cyrus attempts to un-transmute Cyrus!)

(Cyrus turns into a puppy)

ELWOOD: Oh no! I'm so sorry Cyrus! TT

SENKA: Awwww, he's so cute! .

(huggles)

ELWOOD: oo;; Cyrus...

SENKA: He's so adorable! .

ELWOOD: doesn't that...hurt?

SENKA: What hurt?

ELWOOD: He's chewing your arm off...

SENKA: Aw, he's just teething. . My cute lil' Cyrus!

ELWOOD: oh...dear...oo;;

KOUSUKE: HEY! Is this the only line I have here! Come on-I'm one of the blade children! You can't do this to me! I'll kill you! Hey! HEY! . . . Oh, forget it.

* * *

**A/N:** Poor Cyrus...  



	22. Senka is Sick: Part One

**TALE XX. Senka is Sick: Part One**

SENKA: uh...

ELWOOD: Are you alright? You don't look too good...

KOUSUKE: Ah! You're burning up!

SENKA: uh...?

ELWOOD: Senka, you're sick!

KOUSUKE: You should go see a doctor, or something...

SENKA: uh, I'm not sick! I can't be sick...uh...cuz I'm the...uh...sh...sha...uh... shallow alchemist!

ELWOOD + KOUSUKE: (sweatdrop) Shallow alchemist?

SENKA: uh...sha...sha...shady alchemist...

ELWOOD: getting warmer...

KOUSUKE: Merge the two words.

SENKA: I'm the...uh...shally alchemist?

ELWOOD + KOUSUKE: No...

SENKA: shadlow alchemist?

ELWOOD: Almost...

KOUSUKE: drop a letter...

SENKA: shadow alchemist?

ELWOOD + KOUSUKE: You got it!

SENKA: uh...w...w00t?

ELWOOD: Will you go see a doctor now?

KOUSUKE: You like you're going to pass out...!

SENKA: I told you...I 'm...I'm not sick! . I'm ju...just tired...(collapses)

ELWOOD + KOUSUKE: SENKA!

* * *

**A/N:** Ah...I remember this. I was really sick when I wrote this one. And everyone kept telling me to go home. And I wanted to...but I COULDN'T! Because my mom only lets me stay home ill if I'm having a Pancreatitis attack, I threw up, or I have a fever...and no, feeling like crap means nothing. Gr. But enough ranting...xD  



	23. Senka is Sick: Part Two

**TALE XXI. Senka is Sick: Part Two**

KOUSUKE: Shouldn't we take her to the doctor?

ELWOOD: No.

KOUSUKE: Okay...why not? She's sick...

ELWOOD: Don't you see? With her knocked out cold from illness, we can seize this opportunity and escape!

KOUSUKE: I don't know...I'd feel kind of bad for deserting her like this...

ELWOOD: She's crazy, she won't notice.

KOUSUKE: Of course she'll notice!

ELWOOD: okay, she probably will, but we'll be Senka-free until she gets better and can actually come find us!

KOUSUKE: Not necessarily. She might try to find us even if she's sick...

ELWOOD: She's Senka. She'll be fine.

KOUSUKE: touché.

ELWOOD: So? You coming?

KOUSUKE: Lead the way.

(later)

SENKA: (blink) (blink) wa...hey...where are...are...the...penguins! Where are the penguins!

* * *

**A/N:** I always feel so bad for suddenly updating and bombarding people's inboxes with messages about a new chapter...heck, I feel bad about bombarding myself with them! xD Hope no one hates me now...  



	24. Penguin Army, Unite!

**TALE XXII. Penguin Army, Unite!**

SENKA: Wah! Now that I have fully recovered, Kousuke and Elwood must be sought!

AUTHOR: Okay.

SENKA: But I don't know where they are, or how long they've been gone.

AUTHOR: Okay.

SENKA: So? You going to help an alchemist out here? You did steal my toast.

AUTHOR: Here.

(a penguin pops out of nowhere)

SENKA: Ah-ha! A penguin! How cute! .

AUTHOR: Have fun.

SENKA: Mwahhahahahaha!

PENGUIN: ()

SENKA: The only way to find them, is to have an army...

PENGUIN: . . . ?

SENKA: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(starts to transmute more and more penguins)

SENKA: MWAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

(and more and more and...)

SENKA: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!

(and more and more and...)

SENKA: -hahahha (cough) I'm alright. ()

PENGUIN 3268: (dances)

SENKA: W00t! Dancing penguin!

PENGUIN 2042: (joins in)

SENKA: Penguin army-UNITE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

PENGUIN 0001 - 9000: (dance)

SENKA: (joins in) La, la la...la la la la...la, la la...la la la la...

* * *

**A/N:** I hate this one, and the next one. They make me silently scream inside. I think it's because I personally can tell I must have still been recovering from illness...they both scream "What the heck?" and it makes me cry. (sulks)  



	25. Senka VS Penguin 10000056

**TALE XXIII. Senka VS Penguin 10000056**

PENGUIN 0013: WAH! Mommy Senka- Penguin 10000056 called me unlucky!

SENKA: Ah, poor baby...(huggles) How 'bout this-you get me Kousuke and Elwood, and I'll make 10000056 go "poof!"!

PENGUIN 0013: Yay! Okays! .

(penguin 0013 runs off)

SENKA: Now...Penguin 10000056-Come 'ere!

(penguin 10000056 waddles over)

SENKA: I hear you called Penguin 0013 unlucky!

PENGUIN 10000056: meep! Maybe... Meep!

SENKA: I'm going to take those "meeps" as involuntary swears...now, prepare to suffer! Mwahahahahahah!

(starts to tickle penguin)

PENGUIN 10000056: meep! No! meep! stop it! meeeeeeeeeeppppppp!

SENKA: mwahhahahahahahahahaha! Who's laughing now! . . . Okay, I guess you are...but I am too! Mwahahahahahhahaha!

PENGUIN 10000056: (spazzes out) meep...faints

SENKA: No! PENGUIN 10000056! PENGUIN 10000056! Are you alright! ANSWER ME!

PENGUIN 10000056: .

SENKA: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo---

(later)

SENKA: --ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

PENGUIN 0013: Done?

SENKA: yes. I'm glad you arrived, my voice was starting to hurt...You find them?

PENGUIN 0013: Yup.

ELWOOD: He paid us to come.

KOUSUKE: Indeed. Now, why don't you ditch all these penguins?

SENKA: But they dance!

ELWOOD: --

KOUSUKE: Ditch 'em.

SENKA: (sigh) Oh, alright...

PENGUIN 01-100000000000000000000000: Noo! I thought you loved m-

(they go poof)

(awkward silence)

ELWOOD: So...

KOUSUKE: Now what?

SENKA: uh...I have snacks?

ELWOOD + KOUSUKE: snacks! Yay! .

* * *

**A/N:** Oi. Glad those two are done...they still make me cringe for some reason. Their only redeeming qualities is the "But they dance!" line because...I don't know...because they dance...(walks away slowly)  



	26. Anti Long Hair On Guys Association

**TALE XXIV. Anti-Long-Hair-on-Guys Association**

SENKA: Hm hm hm...ha ha ha...hee hee hee...mwahahahahahahah!

ELWOOD: What's with you?

KOUSUKE: Did you conquer a country?

SENKA: No...

ELWOOD + KOUSUKE: . . .

ELWOOD: What are you doing?

SENKA: Making buttons for the Anti-Long-Hair-on-Guys Association!

KOUSUKE: Clever.

ELWOOD: I suppose this is a bad time to tell you I was planning to grow out my hair?

SENKA: Fear my wrath!

(starts throwing buttons at Elwood)

INUYASHA: Hey, who are you?

SENKA! _((long hair! (twitch)))_

ELWOOD: RUN!

KOUSUKE: Ah, he has a sword...he'll be fine.

INUYASHA: Hey...(sweatdrop) Why are you looking at me like that...?

SENKA: (pulls out scissors) Must...cut...hair!

INUYASHA: Eh! Wind scar!

SENKA: Rawrrrrrrrr! (comes charging with scissors)

INUYASHA: It didn't work!

SENKA: Rawrrrrrr! (enters slow-mo running)

ELWOOD: Quick, run while you still can!

KOUSUKE: Hm. He's doomed.

(later)

INUYASHA: What did you do to my hair!

SENKA: Yay!

INUYASHA: I'm gunna kill you! (beats up Senka)

SENKA: - yay! (falls unconscious)

ELWOOD + KOUSUKE: (sigh)

ELWOOD: So...you gunna go now? She might chop off more.

KOUSUKE: I used to have long cool hair. Look at what she did to me. Better get out of here.

INUYASHA: What! Like I care. If she starts coming, I'll beat her up again.

KOUSUKE: So where are you going?

INUYASHA: I...need to find Kagome!

(runs off)

ELWOOD: . . . You never had long hair, did you?

KOUSUKE: No, I just wanted to see him run.

* * *

**A/N:** This was one of those tales that was in my head for a long time and then FINALLY got into the story. This is one of the few to have a comic page of it. However, this is also the only comic page that will never be shown simply because Elwood's hair does not have the swoosh. That's how old it is. And actually, I'm starting to warm up to guys with long hair...it depends on the character now.  



	27. Where'd They Come From!

**TALE XXV. Where'd They Come From! **

SENKA: Lookie who I found!

ELWOOD: Uh, hello...

KOUSUKE: (twitch) ((_Scaryyyyy! And he's wearing a skirt!_))

SENKA: This is Albel, my beloved. .

KOUSUKE: Eh! I thought I was your beloved-!

ELWOOD: A conundrum.

ALBEL: Maggots, you're no brighter than she is.

KOUSUKE: What!

ALBEL: I'm sorry, did I strike a nerve? I didn't think you intelligence was high enough to understand that.

KOUSUKE: I...hate...you...! (twitch twitch)

ELWOOD: Well...Senka, you sure do find interesting people...

SENKA: I know, don't I?

RAZUKI: You know, I'm kind of jealous.

SRAXEK: Don't be ridiculous. What is there to be jealous of? You're smarter than everyone here.

ZOSUKE: Except me.

SRAXEK: Of course, but he's younger than you.

ZOSUKE: Only by twenty-six years...

RAZUKI: Besides, you're married.

ZOSUKE: uh...well...

SENKA: Hey guys!

ELWOOD: And they are...?

KOUSUKE: ...

ALBEL: ...

SENKA: This is Razuki, and that's his best friend Srexak, Sraxick, Sraxek or whatever his name is, and that's Razuki's dad, Zosuke. They are my bestest friends in the whole wide world! Yayyyyyyy!

ALBEL: How the hell does she know so many fools!

ELWOOD: Where are they coming from!

KOUSUKE: Why is my relationship with Senka crumbling before my eyes!

* * *

**A/N:** It's THEM! I don't own Albel, but I do own Razuki, Sraxek, an Zosuke. This was around the time I had this one comic I was doing...that of course was never finished...We never did determine how to pronounce Sraxek's name, but we decided it looked so cool that it didn't matter.  



	28. Enter AlliKat!

**TALE XXVI. Enter AlliKat!**

SENKA: Man, I'm beat...

ALLIKAT: SENKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (huggles Senka)

SENKA! oo;; (turns around slowly) Alli...?

ALLIKAT: meow

SENKA: ...you're not...Alli...

ALLIKAT: Ay! Of course I am! How can you forget your sister!

SENKA: There's something...different...

ALLIKAT: Oh yeah, I got merged with this cat so now I'm Allikat instead of Alli.

SENKA: ...I see. I thought it was cuz you're hair's green...

ALLIKAT: And yours is purple.

SENKA: ...right. Uh, is that...Ayumu?

ALLIKAT: Yup! I love him soooo much I had to take him with me!

AYUMU: It was more like a random kidnapping.

SENKA: Huh...I have Kousuke with me. Well, not right now...he went to the store with Elwood.

ALLIKAT: Elwood?

SENKA: My apprentice.

AYUMU: ...anyone else?

SENKA: Oh, yeah, a bunch. Our numbers just shot up one day.

AYUMU: That's...nice.

ALLIKAT: Cool! I wish I had more people with me...:(

SENKA: You have Ayumu. What more could you ask for?

ALLIKAT: That's right! (huggles Ayumu) Yayyyyyy!

AYUMU: ...

* * *

**A/N:** My sister has finally entered the tales! This was the only one to be turned into a comic successfully. It looked awesome, but I have yet to scan it. Someday I will.  



	29. Pondering of Doom!

**TALE XXVII. Pondering of Doom!**

SENKA: You, Ayumu, go find Kousuke and Elwood. They should still be at the store.

AYUMU: Uh, why?

ALLIKAT: Because she said so, lovable Ayumu.

AYUMU: ...right then...(leaves)

SENKA: ...Sooo, Allikat, since you're merged with the cat, does that make you my half-sister? 'Cuz I'm related to you, but I'm not related to any cats.

ALLIKAT: Um...dunno. Let us ponder this.

(sit to ponder)

SENKA + ALLIKAT: Hm...

(Elwood enters, carrying grocery bags)

ELWOOD: Somehow I ended up carrying all the bags...Um, what are you guys doing?

SENKA: We're pondering whether or not Allikat is my sister because she's merged with a cat, which I am not related to.

ELWOOD: Dunno, I'll help ponder.

(joins pondering)

SENKA + ALLIKAT + ELWOOD: Hm...

(Kousuke enters)

KOUSUKE: Damn, somehow I ended up paying for everything...What are you doing...?

SENKA: We're pondering whether or not Allikat is my sister because she's merged with a cat, which I am not related to.

KOUSUKE: ...I guess I can help you try to figure it out...

(joins pondering)

SENKA + ALLIKAT + ELWOOD + KOUSUKE: Hm...

(Razuki, Zosuke, and Sraxek enter)

ZOSUKE: Somehow, we did absolutely nothing! We didn't even go to the store! Yay!

RAZUKI: You're an idiot...

SRAXEK: ...what are you up to, Senka and company?

SENKA: We're pondering whether or not Allikat is my sister because she's merged with a cat, which I am not related to.

ZOSUKE: I'll help, I'll help!

RAZUKI: I...think I'll watch.

SRAXEK: As will I.

(Zosuke joins pondering, Razuki and Sraxek sit off to the side)

SENKA + ALLIKAT + ELWOOD + KOUSUKE + ZOSUKE: Hm...

RAZUKI + SRAXEK: ...

(Ayumu enters, putting money in his wallet)

AYUMU: Somehow I got those two to give me all the change...What's going on?

SENKA: We're pondering whether or not Allikat is my sister because she's merged with a cat, which I am not related to .

ALLIKAT: It's a mystery! .

AYUMU: ...Allikat is still your sister, Senka. Since the cat she merged with belonged to Alli, it was technically family thus when she merged, you and the cat were practically related. Thus, she's your full sister.

ALLIKAT: That's right! Ayumu's so smart! (huggles)

SENKA: You had a cat?

ELWOOD: How does he know that?

SENKA: Wait, she had a cat?

KOUSUKE: It's almost like she kidnapped him long ago.

SENKA: A green cat?

AYUMU: She kidnapped me when she was still Alli.

ALLIKAT: Yup!

ELWOOD: Oh, that makes sense.

KOUSUKE: Fascinating, really.

SENKA: Wait, since when did you have a cat!

* * *

**A/N:** This is one of the longest tales. And trust me, after this point they all start getting long. oO 


	30. Wait, Where'd They Go!

**Tale XXVIII. Wait, Where'd They Go!**

ELWOOD: Hey, where's Cyrus?

KOUSUKE! And that dude in the dress-he's gone too!

SENKA: Ah, how could they escape! When did this happen!

ALLIKAT: Oooh, adventure!

AYUMU: They left over an hour ago. If you hadn't noticed, Albel just stopped following us and eventually went an entirely different direction. Cyrus took the opportunity to follow.

ALLIKAT: Ayumu's so smart! (huggles)

AYUMU: ...will you stop that?

ALLIKAT: no

SENKA: This is an outrage! We need to hunt them down!

ZOSUKE: We'll cheer you on, O great leader!

SENKA: Yes! Mwahahahahaha!

RAZUKI: You're insane...

SRAXEK: ...

ELWOOD: Does anyone know where they went?

KOUSUKE: I say we leave 'em. That skirt-man was too close to Senka anyway.

EVERYONE except SENKA and KOUSUKE: oo;; are you implying that you...?

SENKA: ...does this mean you've finally accepted my love for you?

KOUSUKE: Wha-! No! It means the poor guy was in danger of you turning him into some brain-dead fruit!

SENKA: But I like fruit-!

(collective sigh)

AYUMU: I think we should begin our search without them...

ALLIKAT: Whatever you say

ZOSUKE: Let's go that-away!

RAZUKI: Idiot, that's where we're going now...

ZOSUKE: I like that direction...

SRAXEK: (sigh) How did I even get dragged into this?

(they all leave Senka and Kousuke behind!)

SENKA: Seems rather quiet all of a sudden, don't you think?

KOUSUKE: Slightly.

SENKA: Huh...

KOUSUKE: Kind of suspicious...

SENKA: wait a minute...they left us!

KOUSUKE: How can they do this to a member of the blade children!

SENKA: By "this" do you mean leave you with me, or leaving without us?

KOUSUKE: Both!

SENKA: Well, that's one mystery solved.

KOUSUKE: ...I think you're missing the point.

* * *

**A/N:** Eh, no comment...  



	31. AlliKat's Missing Pants

**TALE XXIX. AlliKat's Missing Pants**

ALLIKAT: Ahhhhhhhh! I'm missing my pants!

SENKA: ...You're wearing shorts. Why do you need pants?

ALLIKAT: Because pants rock!

SENKA: No...

KOUSUKE: Face it, we're all wearing pants...

ELWOOD: It's true! Even you!

SENKA: Eh! Albel didn't wear pants, and neither did Cyrus!

ELWOOD: That's why we're going to find them.

SENKA :oh...

ALLIKAT: My pants! I want my pants! Senka, you stole them!

SENKA: I did not!

ALLIKAT: Oh, you horrid pant stealer! Gimme my pants!

SENKA: I didn't take your pants!

ALLIKAT: sure...sure...

ZOSUKE: She didn't take them.

RAZUKI: Right, but I think we know who did.

ZOSUKE: Yup, yup!

ALLIKAT: Eh...? (sees Sraxek)

SRAXEK: ...what?

ALLIKAT: You pant stealer! Gimme my pants!

SRAXEK: Huh! (looks down-is holding her pants!) Eh! Uh, okay, I admit it looks bad, but I didn't take your pants...

ALLIKAT: Yes you did and I want em back!

AYUMU: I'd give her her pants if I were you.

SRAXEK: I didn't steal 'em!

ALLIKAT: Give...me...pants...

SRAXEK: Ah, here! (throws pants) (runs away)

ALLIKAT: Yay, pants!

AYUMU: Now what?

SENKA: Aren't you going after him? He stole your pants...

ALLIKAT: Oh, I will...mwahhahahahahahaha!

(runs after him)

SENKA: Only I can evil laugh...

KOUSUKE: It's okay...(pats on head)

SENKA: But-

ELWOOD: Let's go. We need to find Albel and Cyrus, remember?

SENKA: But-

AYUMU: They'll catch up.

SENKA: Kay...

* * *

**A/N:** Sadly, this was based on a true event. I came downstairs one morning to find my sister ready to attack me because her pants were missing and apparently it was my fault. I inisted I didn't, and she didn't believe me...until she found them sitting on a chair. (sweatdrop)  



	32. SPEC 3 This is an Informative Commercial

**SPECIAL III. This is an Informative Commercial**

ZOSUKE: And now, time for commercials! We'll be back after you hear from us being sponsors!

RAZUKI: idiot.

ZOSUKE: Yayyyy!

SRAXEK...hurr-ah.

RAZUKI: ...OO _((not you too!)) _

**COM. 1**

ELWOOD: I am not an alchemist. (surrounded by randomly transmuted junk)

AYUMU: I am not an architect. (house falls down)

ALLIKAT: Ooo! Ooo! I am, I am!

AYUMU: Kay...(pushes her off screen)

SENKA: I am the best thing ever to happen to the universe! Ha! (world blows up)

KOUSUKE: We know you aren't. That's why there's Farming Insurance, to help you get on with your life.

AYUMU: Hey, you're the one who bombed the houses! It's your fault to begin with!

KOUSUKE: Shush, I'm trying to get them to trust me.

**COM. 2**

(goldfish crackers music plays)

SENKA: Goldfish crackers, goldfish crackers! Yummy for me to eat!

(grabs the floating goldfish crackers

GOLDFISH CRACKERS: Noooo!

SENKA: Mm...(eats them)

(eyes camera suspiciously)

SENKA: No, they're mine! Back off!

(destroys camera)

**COM. 3**

ELWOOD: is so easy to use, Senka could do it.

SENKA: That is not cool man!

ELWOOD: I'm sorry.

SENKA: You should be! After all, I have the highest IQ ever, so that's descrimatory to all unintelligible beings!

ELWOOD: ...right. Sorry.

SENKA: I quit! I can't work with a company that apologizes! leaves

ELWOOD: Well, then...sweatdrop

**COM. 4**

KOUSUKE: The drama is real-blade children wrecking havoc and Senka joins their viscous group and helps them in crazy insane world domination with free snacks. Yes, the drama is real, the pain is real-but it won't save you any money on car insurance.

SENKA: Uh! Jerk!

KOUSUKE: What?

SENKA: Why can't you help me save money on car insurance!

KOUSUKE: Uh...

SENKA: I'm leaving! (leaves) (comes back) Again! (leaves again)

KOUSUKE: ...er...Geiko rocks? (sweatdrop)

* * *

**A/N:** Does anyone even remember the commercials I based these off of? Ah well. My computer is starting to hate me now, so this is the last one I'll upload for today...but be excited, for the next tale has my friend, "Exploding" Greg!  



End file.
